sorry no can do...

So let's talk ex boyfriends lol mine has been in contact with me again and guess what he did this whole we should be together rubbish and that wait for it.... he wants to settle down with me well the history with my ex is as follows.

we met new years eve 2005/06 in a night club he was chatting to my mate trying to set his mate up with her and i went over thinking he was bugging her lol and did my your in my seat bit lol (he was) anyway he got up and i sat down then he started talking to me asking if i would get my mate to chat to his mate i said well get your mate to come over then. So he did they chatted and then i started chatting to him he asked me to get up and dance but it was drum and bass music which ain't my cup of tea lol. so i said nah my feet hurt so he danced and i just laughed he danced so badly anyway i stood up and started chatting to him and commented on his rings he had on he took one off and let me try it on and this is the sad part i put it on my wedding finger and said o look now were married lol i was drunk! anyway he found it funny lol i said i was keeping it and he was like nooo and i said yes mine and stuck it down my top now back in those days i was a tease and said if you want it come and get it he didn't though think he knew i'd of slapped him lol. i gave it back in the end then we sat down and chatted and i said aren't you going to ask for my number then. He was like what ya gonna let me have it i said yeah of course so we swapped numbers. Then my mate said she was going toilets so i went with her. on the way back someone grabbed my hand and it was the guy i had spoke to i just turned and smiled and carried on back to my seat. the music was still pants so me and my mate decided to leave and at the same time the guy and his mate had aswell. we were waiting for our lift home when my phone started ringing so i answered it and it was the guy he said you never gave me a kiss lol i said i never kiss when i first meet someone (lies lol) anyway he said come here and i said where are ya he was down the road and i said nah i'm going home now our lift had turned up. So home i went.
he text me til 5am that morning.

He text me again the next day and we decided to meet up so he joined me and my mates for a walk at the woods but i said it was to cold and we went and sat in his car and chatted and we had our first kiss. from then on we were a couple till i got cold feet 2 weeks later.

Then i got back with him a week after we split then i got cold feet again lol. Then he was like who was the guy running after you up the cinema valentines day. I was like oh that was my mate rob and if you looked properly there was a big group of us not just me and him.

anyway i didn't speak to him for a few months and then realised i had missed him loads so i text him and asked how he was. he didn't reply so thought he had chnaged his number.
the next day he replied saying is this Jo if it is please text back. So i did and we agreed to meet up that evening we went and sat by a lake and chatted i told him what had been going on aka my mum leaving etc. and he was nice about it i told him i'd missed him and he said the same then we had a nice cuddle. he seemed abit put out cos some rowers kept whislting at me cos i had my tiny denim shorts on well it was bloody hot lol. anyway we decided to try again.
we stayed together for a month this time then one night he picked me up from a night out and i was very very drunk lol and we had a argument yes i started it but he didn't exactly help.
he ignored me for 3 days after that when he did reply he said he had dropped his phone down the toilet???

we ended it again. for the next year and a half it was on and off he kept dumping me. and me being vulnerable i kept going back. anyway after this he turned and said i want us to live togther so me being me and madly in love with him i said yes. and i started looking for houses. Then one day i got a email saying he'd joined facebook and so i looked at his profile and it said he was in a relationship and there was a message from a girl on there saying smile babes xxxxxxxx. my heart just dropped!!! I text him and said tell me it's not true he said his brother had set it up and made a mistake and that he was still single. then i found out from my then best friend he was living with his brother and the girl who he said wasn't his gf but she was. i wanted to scream again betrayed.

after that i saw never to go back but i did when he finally split with the girl cos she apparently followed him round like a lost puppy dog lol. I decided to work my charm and see if i could still get my way with him and yes it worked. so again we have been on and off on and off. Then november he moved nearer to where i live and where my mum lives he is pretty much round the corner anyway. so we tried one last time and he refused to say he loved me so i said nah this is bullshit. he would just be a twat the next day. and he did exactly that.

Then monday just gone he said he wanted us to settle down together and i said i am so unsure why me and why now? why not before? and then i said could you be the man i need right now? someone who will be patient and understand that i am ill most of the time and can't do normal things. And that he can't just leave when everything is going wrong with my health. and that i need stabilty. He said he could be all these things but i don't think he can. so it's been on my mind the past few days me thinking should i shouldn't i. And today i made my decision I can't put myself through any of that again. If it never worked all those times before then it won't work now. I have broken that spell and don't feel the way i did towards him anymore. I've in a way grown up my health is my number priority right now. And men will always be there after my transplant. I just refuse to put myself through anymore hurt and pain and being let down. cos i know he will time and time again he will never change. But i have. So sorry no can do!

Anyway other then that not much to report my mum dyed my hair yesterday and today just been relaxing my cold is clearing now just need to get as much gunk of my chest as i can bought loads of vitamins today. not doing a feed tonight think the ensure stuff makes me feel sick. maybe i have a intolerance to it. will speak to my dietician. I think i'm struggling with my weight again cos all the pressure has been put back on my shoulders which isn't good cos it's constantly on my mind argh!!!! my mum has the hump cos i'm not doing a feed but i am full up so doing a feed is just going to make me wanna feel sick.