I'm so fed up really really am! Toria's death has really hit me so hard it has made me realise how real everything is and how short life is. Today a friend was moaning bout her rubbish her life is how can she sit there and say that? 1 she has a beautiful baby boy who she will no doubt she grow up and take his first steps and say his first word. Toria will never get to have that and she never onc moaned about how hard it is being a mum even with her Cf aswell she was amazing. And i wish she was still hear today to see edward grow up and walk and talk but she won't and it breaks my heart so much.
All my hard work with my weight is over it's all going again so can kiss goddbye to my transplant.
I had a dream about toria last night was very wierd and upsetting i dreamt that i was on msn and then she suddnely signed in and was chatting to me even thought she had passed away was very weird didn't know what to make of it! I feel really bad cos i know toria wouldn't want me to feel so down about her passing away and would want me to get on the list but it's just so hard not to have her around for some good advice plus she never got to hear about harefield :( i miss her loads. everytime i see a jammy dodger bar i think of her as she decided to go buy some one time cos i raved about them contstantly lol. I wanna go to her funeral but i know i'm just to ill at the moment. So i think i'll send some flowers so that she knows i'm thinking of her. Her sister Shelie sent me a lovely message the other day thanking me for all my messages to toria. Everytime shellie said you'll never guess who this message is from toria would roll her eyes and shurg knowingly and shellie would say it's from Jo and toria would smile. it made me feel happy that she knew i was always thinking of her. The teddy i sent was also sat at the end of her bed which is sweet. Just wish she was hear to help me through this rough patch now. she'd give me some conforting words and make me smile with what she says she always knew the right things to say :) anyway gonna go climb the stairs when i say climb i pretty much mean crawl so i can have a bath am sleeping downstairs tonight though saves me going up and down tomoz.
going hospital wednesday as cass the cf nurse is worried bout my chest and appetite my dad is taking me though cos my mum is to busy everything comes before my health that's how it feels anyway!
Complaint Letter to Revolution Bar
3 years ago