I feel so totally alone and lost i just wanna stay in bed and sleep and never get up again i've actually never felt this low before in my life and i hate it. I'm wishing i never went harefield as it's since then i've gone totally down hill with my mental state. I'm trying so hard to gain these last 4 kgs and i'm just getting so wound up and upset by it all. I'm contantsly waking up with headaches in the middle of the night at the and in the mornings that only go away after 15-20 mins of oxygen. So i'm starting to feel like i'm getting even worse and that i'm going to be relying on my oxygen alot more very soon. my appetite is not great at the moment. even withthe megace i'm struggling maybe it's cos my bodys readjusting to coming off the iv's maybe it's all stress dunno.
Had a huge row with my dad and brother last night again. I had gone upstairs to bed and forgot to remind my dad that my oxygen cylinder needed to be brought up by this time it was to late and he was in bed. So i asked my brother to get it for me and what happens i get shouted at as usual for asking for help. He was moaning about his foot cos last sunday he dropped a 40kg box on it and it's really swollen and he was going your such a annoying cow i've broken my bloody foot so this should be fun getting this stupid oxygen thing up the stairs. He won't go doctors about his foot so therefore i don't feel sorry for him and he doesn't even know if he's broken it my dad just said you should get it looked at incase it's broken my dad ain't a bloody doctor i swear my brother is a total useless moron.!!! anyway he brought it up and just dumped it in my room didn't bother putting it down and making sure it was safe and wouldn't fall over. Then what happens oh it falls over cos the idiot hadn't put it on the carpet properly. So my dad heard all the noise and got up and decided to have a go at me saying why do i alwasy do this? Do what? ask for my oxygen cylinder to be brought up? see when i get tired from tidying up or doing my washing i then get moaned at for tiring myself out and not asking for HELP!!! but again when i do ask for help i get shouted at then by my arsehole brother! I just feel like giving up i really do. I feel like i'm such a burden on everyone cos i need help every now and then. i kept trying to lift my oxygen cylinder up but guess what it's to heavy for me and cos i was getting all worked up abaout the fact that i couldn't get it up i started finding it hard to breath so there i am crying my eyes out struggling to breath not being able to get my oxygen cylinder up to have some oxygen and my dad and my brother just left me there. that really hurt the most. I ended up laying on the floor with my oxygen cylinder and managed to get it turned on so i could breath. after about 20mins i had calmed down and then spent half an hour trying to left it off the floor i dunno how the hell i done it but evenutally it managed to get it up and hurt my arm with my picc line in oh joy that's probably buggered now as it hurts like hell so thanks dad and my kind caring brother for being total twats!!!!
Complaint Letter to Revolution Bar
10 years ago
3 comments:
babe im really worried about you, you just seem to be feeling worse and worse. I don't want you to give in, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I know you life is pretty rubbish at the moment as you can't do anything and i'm not going to try make you think your life is great and perfect, cos at the moment lets face it, it's not.
Please try to think abit more positive about anything, even if its something simple to cook for tea. You might find that if you try to be more positive you actually feel better, I find that it helps alot. If you have to sit with your oxygen to make you feel better, so what? If it makes you feel better it's great and don't see it as a burden, but your friend!
jo cant you live with your mum or something? it seems like your really having a hard time and your dad and brother maybe dont understand everything or how ill you are feeling coz with cf when we feel so ill we still look well.
i wish there was something i could do to help.
could you not talk to one of the dr's about everything? maybe they could help and have a chat with your dad and brother?
xx
I agree with Chantelle, you can't go on the way you are. Your dad and brother don't understand how much everything drains your energy and they are making you feel like a nuisance which they shouldn't be doing. You need to talk to them, you see a counsellor or something don't you? Maybe see her with your dad and brother to express your feelings and be taken seriously? I'm sure they find it very hard too and maybe they might benefit from getting it off their chests too
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