Changes

So much has changed the past few days. Toria has left our world which i still can't believe.
I also talked to my mum about exactly how i was feeling and she has suggested that i live with her in the week so that i ca have the help i need but i'm not sure as i miss my dad and animals so much. I also rang my hospital yesterday as i don't feel well and have lost a bit of weight they just kept saying how hard this week had been with toria passing and everything. I really didn't need to hear that it has been hard but i'm ill cos of my chest. So i have taken actions into my own hands seeing as they didn't wanna listen and am taking some iv's that i had left over from all the times i've had some. I alway seem to be given extra lol i just need to mix them myself which is ok . If i don't start perking up within the next week i shall ring hospital again. I have styaed here at my mum's for the week which has been nice but upsetting cos it's highlighted how bad things have got i physically can't climb stairs anymore. and it's getting much harder and tiring to dress myself. and i'm using loads more oxygen then i normally do and shopping oh my god what a nightmare if i don't take my wheelchair i get to the point where i wanna sit down on the floor and not move again. i really can't beleive how fast i'm going down hill. it's scary. and i hate the ffact that i have to wait til i'm 50kgs before harefield will have me in for assesment i need to be on the list now or i'm afraid i won't make it so much going through my head it's very hard and emotional x