I'm so fed up really really am! Toria's death has really hit me so hard it has made me realise how real everything is and how short life is. Today a friend was moaning bout her rubbish her life is how can she sit there and say that? 1 she has a beautiful baby boy who she will no doubt she grow up and take his first steps and say his first word. Toria will never get to have that and she never onc moaned about how hard it is being a mum even with her Cf aswell she was amazing. And i wish she was still hear today to see edward grow up and walk and talk but she won't and it breaks my heart so much.
All my hard work with my weight is over it's all going again so can kiss goddbye to my transplant.
I had a dream about toria last night was very wierd and upsetting i dreamt that i was on msn and then she suddnely signed in and was chatting to me even thought she had passed away was very weird didn't know what to make of it! I feel really bad cos i know toria wouldn't want me to feel so down about her passing away and would want me to get on the list but it's just so hard not to have her around for some good advice plus she never got to hear about harefield :( i miss her loads. everytime i see a jammy dodger bar i think of her as she decided to go buy some one time cos i raved about them contstantly lol. I wanna go to her funeral but i know i'm just to ill at the moment. So i think i'll send some flowers so that she knows i'm thinking of her. Her sister Shelie sent me a lovely message the other day thanking me for all my messages to toria. Everytime shellie said you'll never guess who this message is from toria would roll her eyes and shurg knowingly and shellie would say it's from Jo and toria would smile. it made me feel happy that she knew i was always thinking of her. The teddy i sent was also sat at the end of her bed which is sweet. Just wish she was hear to help me through this rough patch now. she'd give me some conforting words and make me smile with what she says she always knew the right things to say :) anyway gonna go climb the stairs when i say climb i pretty much mean crawl so i can have a bath am sleeping downstairs tonight though saves me going up and down tomoz.
going hospital wednesday as cass the cf nurse is worried bout my chest and appetite my dad is taking me though cos my mum is to busy everything comes before my health that's how it feels anyway!
Complaint Letter to Revolution Bar
10 years ago
3 comments:
heya Jo,
Firstly massive hug, I know how hard it is to lose a very close friend to CF. Weight wise, are you on feeds? What supplements are you on? I don't know how much support you are having but there may well be other things you can try which haven't been suggested to you. Maybe if you post a thread on the boards people might suggest new things.
You must feel so low right now but I honestly believe the best thing those of us left behind can do is to fight as hard as possible in their memory. Please do email me if you think I can suggest anything of use (particularly weight wise).
Thinking of you. x
aw sweetie your making me cry reading your post, I wish I could come and look after you!
You really mustn't let Torias death affect your weight, can you imagine how mad she would be at you?!
I don't think your on overnight feeds are you? maybe it's time you gave them a go. I was on them when I was younger and they were great, execpt when they leaked in the bed and made my mattress all hard!
Surely anything to make you feel better and get on the transplant list is worth a go?!
Hi Jo im sorry your having a crapy time at the moment. i wish i could help in some way but other then chatting i cant...
Toria's passing must be SO hard for you as you to was so close your right she wouldnt want you to be like this, she loved life so much and would want you to love it to.
Like Gemma said the overnight feeds seems the way to go, after connor was born i couldnt gain weight and when connor was 4 months old i was down to 38.8kg so really needed something, anyway i had a peg put in as i cant stand the tho of putting the NG tube down and from the 1st day i have not regreted it one bit, im now at 52kg (weight didnt start to go up untill july when they sorted the right dose of inuslin out for me) so in 5 months i went from 44kg to 52kg!
hope this all makes sence to you.
anyway you can add me on msn if you like im
o_tell@hotmail.com
xxxx
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