Sunday, 12 July 2009

so many emotions

Hiya sorrry again for not updating my blog for a while. The latest news is on the 6th of july i was officially listed on the transplant list. I was so happy and overwhelemed that i had done it i had finally got there after months of hard work and some of he worst months of my life with all the stress and worry that i'd not make it but i did and i'm so proud of myself for fianlly getting there. Yes it was long and very painful. I had my peg put in which hurt but was worth it looking at me now. and also all the dental work which was painful as well. But i would do it all again if i needed to cos it was my golden ticket to the transplant list and i know that i'll ge tthem new lungs at somepoint this year. it's a feeling i have and my mum feels the same. 2 postive things have also come from this actually 3
1. i am so much better with my medication and physio and feeds etc.
2. i've gained a huge amount of weight in a short space of time. and am maintaining it well.
3. i'm over my phobia of dentists lol and am now registered with a dentist :)

So i thought once i was listed all the stress would go away and that i could sit back and relax and juts wait for that call. How wrong was i? first few days of being listed i was a nightmare constantly on edge everytime my mobile rang i would jump. and get excited then deflate when i saw it was one of my parents lol. sounds harsh but i just want that call. Then the dreams oh my god i had dreams the first few nights that i was having my transplant. But now i'm alot calmer and relaxed and am just taking each day as it comes. I don't know when i'll get the call but i know from what my hospital said i'm a really good match for alot of people as i have the height the weight, the blood group and also i have a big chest which all helps. so they said i prob won't be waiting long but who knows. My bag is all packed so is my dad's and my mum's lol. my dad is on edge waiting for the call which makes me chuckle. I bout loads of new jogging bottms and cardigans that button up as from what people have said it's painful lifting your arms for a while. also got button up pj's.
I am scared of transplant but the only thing i'm really scared of is the tube still being down my throat when i wake up. as they don't remove it till there happy that your ok breathing on your own when awake which i understand but i know me being me i'm gonna be pulling on that thing when i wake up. and i'm abit nervous bout the chest drains and how many there will be it can vary from 2-6 i was told but we will see. just be nice to breathe properly again. I'm also going to write a letter for the donors family to say thank you. I know my dad is gonna be a right mess during the op as he was on edge when i was getting my peg put in lol bless him. they will be updated every now and then i have been told.

not much else to report. I set dave my dog up on facebook after seeing gemma's dog alfie had a account lol. and my mum has been off work the past week so spent a few days round hers hanging out which was nice she dyed my hair red but cos it was black it's not really gone very red it's kinda black with a red tint lol.


Anonymous said...

hey love,

Just to let you know being a total whirlwind of emotions is perfectly normal. You're excited about this new possibility but at the same time terrified of what you have to go through to get there!

You'll stop jumping at the phone over time, and I was scared about all the same things as you...and I promise it's worth it - a thousand times and more.

Keep going :)

Em (tinypoppet not signed in) x

Gemma said...

Its totally understandable you have all these mixed emotions, I would be terrified but it has to be done and you will handle it, I'm sure of it.
We are so sad with our facebook acocunts for dogs haha