Been thinking

I read Toria's eulogy yesterday and haven't stopped thinking about it since. Her sister wrote it and did a brillaint job. She mentioned things that Toria said about Cf and how she looked at it. and it has really inspried me so much. I am now looking at My CF in a total different way. It is what makes me who i am it makes me special yeah it's a horrible and crap illness to have but reading the eulogy it made me think If i didn't have CF would i be the strong person that i am cos of my CF?

Ok i'd be a different person i know that i'd prob be out partying every weekend working and driving. But Not really apparicating life. With CF it makes you realise just how short and preciuos life really is. I am me because of my CF i am strong and a fighter. And i want to thank toria for being such a inspriation thank you sweetie xxx and to shellie for sharing the eulogy with people who couldn't attend toria's celebration of her life.

My mum said to me yesterday that i was a nicer person to know now. As i have been sch a awful person to alot of people in the past and i just never knew why and still don't. All i was doing was alienating and pushing people who loved me and wanted to be there for me away. But not anymore i am new me I am a nice me nomore being a bitch to people from now on it's going to be take each day as it comes.

I went to my bf's last night and we kinda had a row but it was good in away cos we both opened up about things. He told me he's afraid of commitment and that he can't offer me what i want which he's right he can't. He also said he isn't the loving kind which i know he's not lmao!
So after it had all cooled down we decided that we are better as friends and as soon as we had said that we both totally changed around eachother and just had a laugh about the most random things it was nice and it was the first time i had really felt like the real me around him. So i think he is now going to be one of my close friends which will be nice. We are gonna have dvd nights as i was supposed to stay last night but couldn't sleep and cos i couldn't sleep i started to feel really odd and got that awful feeling of passin out but without the pain which was weird. so asked him to take me home at like 3 in the morning i felt so bad for doing this but i thought it's not fair on either of us if i don't feel well. So he did bless him. When i got home i eventually got that pain argh! and it lasted for ages it was awful. It didn't help that i was dying for a pee lol sorry. And i knew i couldn't get up or i'd just get worse and eventually burnup. But i really had to go so i got up and went. I had to sit on the bathroom floor for 10 mins after as it was pretty bad the pain. I then got myself back to bed and just layed there and eventually fell alseep.

I have slept most of the day today as fet exhausted. I feel ok now just a little headache. anyway am going to make a cuppa before the x-factor result show i hope alexandra wins she's awesome. and i reckon britney will mime tonight i mean come on she ain't gonna sing live! adios amigos xxx